July Reflection: Two Months on Substack

China is cracking me up and hyping me up but that’s why I love her.

These days, I feel a lot more happiness in my own home (knock on wood panelling). It’s the cats, Yves and Berthe. It’s also writing on sub stack. That it’s going somewhere, or has the potential to; and I can work on it. Simple things change the quality of your life. Little ducks in a row.

It’s a time of great changes. A lot of things are leaving, ending because its time for change - or crumbling away. During times like these, one needs little anchors. Having an intellectual anchor in writing feels good to me. Its one of my "things" again. Harnessing writing back into a practice.

I've written 28 essays including the introduction, where I laid out my vision for this project: https://chinamartens.substack.com/p/i-wanna-show-you-chinas-electric

28 posts! Since June 12, when I started my sub-stack. I deeply appreciate my subscribers. Honestly I can't imagine I would have worked at this vision of continuing optimism without you!

I currently have 79 subscribers, including 7 paid “founding” subscribers. THANK YOU!

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leaving a comment to prove a point. xoxo - Maegan E. Ortiz

There were places in the middle of July where I thought I might not continue the same way. For the first time uncertainty entered my head for longer than a passing moment or day. The rollercoaster ride is when you don’t hear back from anyone for days and weeks. You feel doubt. Like.. what's really stopping me from stopping this? (but I want to do it)

I felt like I was begging to get just one new paid subscriber for a minute. But then I got a wonderful new founding subscriber and it DID make a big difference.

Thank you to Susan and Cecile. You truly kept me going. And to everyone who commented, and all of you. As the numbers added up, when Zak (lucky #7) joined as a founding member in later July, my attitude changed back again. I want to keep at this, entirely, with the vision I started it with, all the way, and you know what? It feels good. I like to have something I can be committed to and I have created my own container to do so.

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Hello darling China! I love reading your stream-of-consciousness writing, your honest thoughts on writing and counterintuitive wants and the liberation that is improv and imperfection. I struggle with all that you struggle. Thank you for allowing us into your wild & colourful life. 💋

Cecile Somers-Lee:

Aww, thank you! So much brilliance and astuteness in this, China! You are so right and so bright and you notice, and I recognize myself in all your thoughts and details, and that’s why I love being on your page. And the post-dental dreams coming true? “MAYBE, I can have that older age writer dream life I always hoped for. Maybe I can.” Yes! And because I have that very same dream, your hope and joy and words and thoughts make me think maybe I can, too. Here’s to making all the colours of the rainbow - and Substack zines! 💋

Zak Foster

It was such a transformative joy to engage with you and other folks on the NOOK about this piece. Thanks for looping us in! I can't wait to read this one <3 XOZ

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“… burning pans cooking forgotten while writing seems to be my new thing.”

It seems a lot to ask for. To ask readers to get off of Facebook and Instagram—where the bites are just … bite sized. You can keep scrolling, popping, eating your popcorn, watching your movie, multi tasking along—and follow me over to another platform to read online. Or sign up for an email! Who dares stop being bite sized, cut up, right sized portions? And goes back into some kind of party invitation dinner table setting??

Rusty and all. But cooking. Inviting guests. And putting out dinner. Feels GOOD to do that old stuff like I used to do. The substack infrastructure is very pleasing to my dopamine brain giving me little short cuts and tips all along the way. Like Camille told me earlier, it’s like you’re incentivized to write. And I don’t hate that!

I feel good hitting my deadline. Yeah I don’t have to, but I haven’t missed one yet. It has a much bigger magnetic pull to me. To not want to miss. past even my starting grand delusions. I’m still into it.

Taking off my first week was very intentional. Now I need to get back to it. When I’m writing at a 3x a week schedule, I feel myself getting into the groove, thinking about my essays, dreaming of them, the writing flowing in a different way. This fast-paced striving but non-perfection deadline-driven schedule is working for me to get things out.

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Green Slime is a Great Excuse to Let Go of your “To-Do” List!

Llynda:

You left me trapped in green Jello, just before it turns to that wobbly trapping firmness ... I'm doomed.......or am I,

this is the perfect opportunity not to be a slave to my "to-do" list today….

Maybe I will be writing at the end of the world here, mostly, but not entirely, to myself.

Maybe if I die these will be my last words and someone can come back and look at them and puzzle over them, “ohhh that’s what she was thinking”. Maybe it will ruin my good reputation of what I’ve already accomplished? Or maybe those days have been forgotten as my up high google-my-name hits have slipped back into the ether. Maybe nothing matters anymore. But maybe it also feels good, I have self-defined writing work to do, now.

Everyone is too busy in their own little worlds to go check out each others, says Rachel, co-owner of Atomic Books. I too am being more and more embroiled in my own little world. It’s hard to get out into places where others are.

What will happen next? Well, we will see. Maybe we all need a few more outposts and hubs of our own to write from. Do you need a substack? I don’t know!! In Susie Brights marketing workshop (which I loved!) I was told that I needed one. I do see other writers making money and supporting themselves here, thus the inspiration to try as well. I think the gold rush may be over. But also I did need something. Everyone needs something. So try things until you find what you need, what works for you. I like to have something to keep working at, that can build, and see where it goes. I know how to work like that.

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Camille Brightsmith:

I love this, China!

“s strange how the clouds were turning colors. It seems the clouds were actually coming out of the tops of the trees. As if the tree’s were screaming?”

Writing is a way to connect with others. Be it lightly, keeping in touch from far away. Or deeply, exploring , looking, and saying things you would never (barely ever) say in person.

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I find lately I just don’t want to hold back. and regret the words I do. I’m still learning, however, my own balance, learning how to ride a bike on the dawn of forgetting it all.

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keep up the soul-digging and system-breaking!

good ! I love when a friend says BE BOLDER // YOU GOT THIS (Zak)

I feel too tired out, as a seasoned writer, not to be looking after my whole entire well being as a human. Perhaps at the core of it all is I’ve been too alone. I can’t keep going that way. I need more. This being a way to also financially have opportunity, for me as a chronic under earner, feels exciting. I’ve never tried to earn money writing before. Like I said in my intro- here, I view this more as a magazine, not a zine. It needs to be sustainable. That is its vision.

I believe in the power of you and me. I’m done applying to things (at least for a now).  I’m ready to invest in us. I want to build something I know I can keep working at. For myself. For each other. I know there are things we can build ourselves. Let me know the ways you need support and what you would like to hear more about.

WOW, thank you for coming along on this journey with me!! Multiple approaches feels right. All of it will help to push the dream of sustainability and “the nourished artist” into reality.

P.S. do you know I have a goal to get 1,000 subscribers with 10% of them paying? Well I do. I will celebrate each 100 subscribers with a color themed celebration of some kind or other, based on horse racing ribbons. For the first 100, the color is pale blue. And I want to make a video. I almost thought nah, I will give up on this. But I’m back to Yeah, its fun, and I’m doing it!

I’m just going to act like its gonna work out. Glad to be out here “doing the thing” with you (via writing and reading), mistakes and all.

SINCERE THANK YOU TO China’s Electric Magazine Land’s readers. Next goal: I need 21 more subscribers, 3 of them being paid subscribers to level up to my first baby blue ribbon of accomplishment. Could it be you? Will I make this goal this August??? Writing comes first. But your support to do it means everything. <3